“Trust is built in drops and lost in buckets.” – Doug Conant
Being a good person is lovely and a great start. But you didn’t get that title or responsibility because you’re up for Ms. or Mr. Congeniality, or the Most Likely to be Liked Award. You’re here to be an effective leader. And that starts with Trust. With a capital T. No leader gets off the starting block without it. If you have been given the opportunity of leadership, it’s up to you to earn that trust, day in and day out. If you’re a rookie, you just got promoted over your peers, you’re an outsider, or you’ve had a run-in with somebody with influence, just remember, leaders aren’t like parents. You don’t start with points that are yours alone to lose. If you’re in a hole of distrust, whether it’s your fault or not, only you can dig out of it.
If you’re worried about the vibe you’re getting from your team, take note of these warning signs – if a critical mass of your team:
- Avoids eye contact with you.
- Makes a lot of eye contact with each other, accompanied by knowing smiles and smirks when you open your mouth.
- Is unhappy with your decisions as shown by body language, snide remarks.
- Is unwilling to give you information.
- Openly questions your authority.
- Engages in the proverbial meetings after THE meetings to undermine and sabotage your work as a leader.
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If you see any of these signs, it’s important to take action. No, it’s not firing all of them. It may well be you have toxic people or team members who can’t or won’t let go of the past or some other negative they are choosing to embrace. But the change you want has to start with the mirror and asking yourself what you can do to change the dynamic. Work to build trust with your team by doing the opposite of what seems natural. Lower those defenses, breath through your sense of self-righteousness and being undervalued, not to mention misunderstood. Welcome to the club! Leadership isn’t easy. Trust is where it lives first and foremost. Here are a few suggestions:
- Have one-on-one conversations with your team members.
- Be open and honest about your own mistakes and how you may have contributed to the current team dynamic.
- Sincerely apologize for past slights and mistakes, period full stop. Don’t explain or justify. It will ruin the apology and make matters worse.
- Encourage transparency and two-way communication within the team by expressing empathy for how it is to be them – not how it’s been to be you.
- Lead by example and uphold the values that you want your team to live by.
- Show appreciation for your team’s hard work and successes.
- Allow your team members to take risks and make decisions without feeling like they’ll be punished for it.
Building trust within a team takes time and mindful effort. It also takes courage, patience, and the strength to understand that being a leader is first seeking to understand before being understood.
“Honesty: the best of all the lost arts. Yet, it is supposed to be the policy of those who have lost their character.” – Mark Twain
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