“People don’t leave bad companies, they leave bad bosses.” – Simon Sinek
Odds are pretty good that during the course of your career, you will have one or more bosses (I know, it’s politically incorrect to use that term; references to power and hierarchy are out of style; but we talk real here) who have overshot their capabilities and consequently often make your work life feel like a road to hell.
If it’s pure evil we’re talking about…or if it’s making you sick…there’s only one answer. Get out. Life is short and leaving a truly toxic situation is an act of self-love you can’t afford not to make. This isn’t perfectionism. It’s about respect. For the most important person in your life – you.
If instead, you can hang onto your sense of yourself withstanding the leadership failures, albeit with some bumps and bruises at times, and it’s good, old-fashioned incompetence, arrogance, narcissism, anger issues, insecurity, laziness, or some other combination from the infinite possibilities for human failure, take heart. Life isn’t perfect. Your boss doesn’t have to be either. You can have a boss who teaches you nothing, offers you nothing, and every day presents an excellent case for honing your avoidance skills – and still learn a lot – about how NOT to be. While you master your skillset and gain the experience you need for the next job.
Dealing with a boss with poor emotional intelligence, that isn’t capable (or worse) can be emotional, challenging, and frustrating, especially when it affects your work and threatens your sense of well-being. However, there are strategies you can use to cope with the situation and minimize its impact on your life. Here are some tips on how to handle an incapable boss:
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1: Focus on your own work: While your boss’s behavior may be frustrating, it’s important to keep your focus on your own work and responsibilities. By staying focused on your own tasks, you can ensure that you are working towards your professional development, regardless of what is happening with your boss.
2: Communicate clearly: Good communication can help you overcome many of the difficulties you may be facing with an incapable boss. Make sure you clearly understand what your boss expects from you and communicate your own expectations and needs. This can help avoid misunderstandings and conflicts.
3: Seek support from colleagues: Having a supportive network of colleagues can help you navigate the challenges of working with an incapable boss. Talk to your coworkers about the situation and see if there are ways you can work together to minimize its impact on your work.
4: Take care of yourself: Dealing with an incapable boss can take a toll on your well-being, so it’s important to take care of yourself. Make time for activities that bring you joy, exercise regularly, and practice self-care.
5: Try to get in your boss’s head: You don’t have to be a licensed therapist to observe a person’s negative behaviors and test your ideas about what they mean. Just pay attention to what matters to your boss. What does your boss talk about when things are going well? And within the bounds of your values, use that information to advocate for what you want and need. The trick is to set the table for your boss to stick with whatever self-serving lane feels most comfortable while charting course for the destination you want. Sun Tzu wrote in The Art of War:
If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat.
Thinking of your boss as the enemy is not helpful. It’s the negative behaviors – they’re the enemy. And to diffuse them and turn them as best you can in your favor, it’s best to do more than complain. Seek to really understand what’s going on. Test different ways to communicate and work that may diminish the negative and bring more positives to the forefront. If it doesn’t work, OK, you tried, and you’ve stretched and built muscles that you will need to climb the ladder. If it works, Voila, Presto, you have made great progress in playing the game – the game of navigating humanity, of building a career around, over, and under all the obstacles with a face that you will most certainly meet along the way.
6: Consider seeking guidance: If the situation with your boss is particularly challenging, consider seeking guidance from a mentor or coach. A neutral third party can help you see the situation from a different perspective and offer strategies for coping.
The point is really this – don’t give up on a good job that pays the rent, gives you somewhere between a decent and awesome experience, and adds cachet to your resume just because you have a bad boss. It’s a temporary stop on your way to where you’re going. And putting up with bad doesn’t make you weak. Quite the opposite. Take a deep breath, or ten. Take a walk. Do some yoga. Eat a healthy breakfast. Fire up that coffeemaker. And get in that ring again. You are stronger than you think.
“I had a boss who used to say, ‘Work smarter, not harder.’ Which always made me wonder, why he didn’t apply that to his hiring practices.” – Jay Leno
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